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Today I took a big step towards my self-publishing project.  I’ve never done anything like this completely on my own, so I was really excited to get my ISBN number.  I know, it’s not really a big deal, but it’s one step closer to my goal.

The few times I mentioned my decision to self publish to my family and other close friends, their reaction was generally the same.  “Oh.  Isn’t that expensive?”  “Can’t you get a real publisher?”

Thanks for sharing my enthusiasm, guys.

Now I understand why these people are concerned for me.  My mother doesn’t want me to spend all of my savings on this.  And my other close friend doesn’t want to see me fail.  When I told him I was self publishing, one of my many reasons was that I was tired of receiving negative responses on my queries.  He said that could be a sign that my book isn’t ready to publish.  He wasn’t being mean; it was a very valid point.

But I couldn’t help but feel a little bad about it.  It’s very difficult to hear that you don’t have the support you thought you were going to have.

Either way, I’m moving forward with this.  It’s not like I’m taking my current manuscript to some vanity press tomorrow (and I know that a vanity press is not for me).  I’m going through a lot of revisions, and am recruiting test readers.  I have a friend that will design my cover.  I’m going to make sure that my work is the best it could possibly be, and I don’t necessarily have to spend a fortune to do that.  This is something I’ve been researching since high school.  That does not by any means make me an expert in the subject, and I still have a lot more research to do, but it’s not like I’m going into this blind.

I’m glad my mother and my friend care so much and give me their honest opinion.  I would take honesty over fluff any day.  It’s just that their reactions weren’t exactly what I was expecting.  I kind of feel like I’m walking across the bridge in the picture by myself into unknown territory.

I’m just really proud of myself that after all the rejections I took in the querying process that I didn’t throw my laptop and notebooks off of a bridge.  If this had happened two years ago, I know I would’ve quit.  I’ve changed, though, and even after the initial rejections, I still want to move forward.  I know my book could definitely get better, and I’m working on that.  I’m just happy that I didn’t become a dejected quitter.  I am able to pivot, readjust, and keep going.

And that’s what I’ll continue to do.  Despite all the roadblocks, I just will keep plowing through this.

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